Howard Stern to Host Beauty Pageant for Tiger Woods' Mistresses

After a tearful Tiger Woods offered his heartfelt, scripted apology to the entire planet for being a shady, shady man, the shadiest man in showbiz, Howard Stern, is cashing in. Stern has announced he will host a beauty contestant between Woods’ eleventy billion mistresses.

During Woods’ apology, he admitted that he knew his affairs were wrong but had convinced himself “that normal rules didn’t apply.”

Stern ridiculed Tiger’s apology saying, “(He) looked like he wanted to be anywhere on the planet but in that room. It didn’t seem like this was his idea, or anything he wanted to be a part of.”

With the media hungry world realizing that there’s more going on than how much Tiger Woods has philandered, his opportunistic mistresses are worried their 15 minutes are up and are promptly filing up at Howard Stern’s door for a final publicity handout. So far, four mistresses have agreed to take part in a beauty pageant with a $100,000 prize.
Airing March 10, Stern’s radio show will host the pageant, where they will judge the contestants in three categories: swimsuit, personality and talent. Sponsored by AshleyMadison.com, a site that caters to hooking up married people who are hoping to score a little something-something on the side, Stern has invited Woods’ repudiated wife, Elin Nordegren, to judge the event. She has not gotten back to him on that one…

Sports Interaction’s entertainment betting oddsmakers are working overtime to try and handicap who, of the 19 women Tiger has bedded, has accepted Stern’s offer. We’re betting that it wouldn’t be beneath twenty-four-year-old Los Angeles cocktail waitress Jaime Grubbs, who appeared on a VH1 show called Tool Academy, to be among Stern’s beauty pageant contestants. We’re also thinking that Tiger’s main squeeze, Rachel Uchitel, would like to think she’s “above” the degradation of a Howard Stern beauty pageant, but her lust for the spotlight may just be too tempting for the 32-year-old, who recently picked up a gig as a correspondent on night clubs and hot spots on the sleazy entertainment news show Extra. Then there’s porn star Joslyn James, who recently sold the story of her two unsuccessful pregnancies by Woods. We’re thinking James, who has starred in such classics as Seymore Butts, won’t have a problem posing for Stern.

Howard Stern’s beauty pageant is the latest humiliation for Woods, who was dropped from Gatorade Friday, joining Accenture and AT&T, who have also ditched the world’s top golfer. Woods said he had spent 45 days in inpatient therapy “receiving guidance” for his problems between late December and early February and he resumed his treatment last Saturday. Check back with Sports Interaction’s online sportsbook for all your props on the Tiger Woods’ mistress beauty pageant.