For the rest of the world, Hump Day is Wednesday – the day that separates the beginning of the week from the end of the week. For bachelor Jake Pavelka however, Hump Day is the episode in his reality TV world when he literally gets to take three women back to his “fantasy suite” and ravage them. True story. Thus, in this week’s episode of The Bachelor, Pavelka found himself in Saint Lucia for an “intimate” weekend with his three reality TV girlfriends. The ABC show, owned by Disney, scores this episode with “On the Wings of Love,” however, us cynics who haven’t equated a contrived competitive between 25 women for the attentions of a single man as “love,” would probably score this episode with “Bau chika bau bau.”
Going in to the episode, the question was, which bachelorette would give herself up to the object of everyone’s affections - yes - that hunka hunka pilot man-meat, Jake? Luckily for Jake, all three women took the “overnight fantasy suite” crap, hook, line and sinker. When Jake took out the romantic little card from his pocket which read, “Should you choose to forgo your individual rooms, you can spend the night as a couple in the fantasy suite,” the bachelorettes couldn’t unhook their bras fast enough – though these ladies would drop their drawers for Screech if Chris Harrison stood beside him handing out roses.
On the first night, Pavelka had his way with Gia the swimsuit model. During their date, Jake said he was impressed with how Gia can own thousand-dollar shoes, but still be “empathetic” to those who don’t – such as the locals of Saint Lucia. Before he asked Gia to bed via the “fantasy suite” date card, Jake told cameras, “I would love nothing more than to see Gia open up completely.”
After accepting his offer, Gia said, “I’m ready to be the last one here. I’m ready to go all the way.”
On night two, pure of heart Tenley was the only woman who seemed to face a moral conundrum. Having slept with only her ex husband (who recently left her for another woman), Tenley admitted that she was afraid to “take it to the next level” in the fantasy suite.
“I’m just not sure I’m ready to take this leap of faith,” Tenley told cameras.
“I really hope she feels safe enough to do that with me,” Jake said of Tenley.
Before she felt “safe enough,” Tenley ranted to Jake about her righteousness, steadfast morals and how she trusted Jake with her heart, since she’s only been with one man before.
“That’s one thing I love about you. You values, your morals and your temperament,” Jake told Tenley before having sex with her.
On his final sexcapade, Jake and Vienna went on the ship from the Pirates of the Caribbean movie, courtesy of Disney. Vienna told Jake she loved him and that she thinks about him constantly. Jake asked her what kind of ring she liked and whether or not she wanted to go to the fantasy suite.
“I’ve got to make sure my passion for Vienna isn’t just sexual,” Jake reassured us viewers at home.
Finished with his dates, it was time to get down to business and get rid of one of these clingy broads! Fresh from the stink of the fantasy suite, the three remaining lovelies lined up for Judgement Day (a.k.a “rose ceremony”). On Chris Harrison’s cue, Jake emerged from the bushes, told them they all were beautiful, that he’s in love with all three of them, and he’d had a wonderful week having sexy time with them. Waa waaa weee waah. Sadly, it was Gia’s time to go.
It must have been rough for Gia to sleep with a guy, then get dumped the next day (on television) and she probably felt dirty when she didn’t get a rose. But hey – Jake’s on the wings of love, baby. That’s how he rolls.
Next week, previously eliminated (and crazy) bachelorettes will come face-to-face with Jake for the first time since filming. Tune in for next week’s installment where we relive the shattered dreams of reality TV wannabes. Want to bet on reality TV? Sports Interaction has Project Runway odds. Get them while they’re hot.
Related posts:
- Everyone Hates Vienna on The Bachelor Episode 4
- The Bachelor’s Ali Fedotowsky Has Priorities
- The Bachelor Bids Adieu to Corrie the Virgin
- Bachelor Jake Pavelka Sifts Through the Crazies
- The Bachelor Scandal: Rozlyn Papa Has ‘Inappropriate Relations’
