This week on The Bachelor, Jake shook of the shackles of being “cheated on” during RozlynGate to take a step back, breathe and get jiggy with his remaining 12 reality TV girlfriends. However, if you think being the Bachelor is all fun and fondling, think again. This week, perhaps rattled a bit by RozlynGate, Jake displayed a lower tolerance for the crazy bachelorette crap that was flung at him with every interaction he had with every woman on the show. What is it about the Bachelor that makes women so panty-tossing crazy? In their eyes, Jake Pavelka is perfection with a capital “P” and even though they barely know him, they are ready to claw each other’s faces off over him. Can Jake find his diamond in the crazy-eyed, siliconed rough? Let’s break it down, shall we?
First, Jake went on a one-on-one date with Vienna and the two went bungee jumping. They totally hit it off, which made the other girls in the house insanley jealous, namely Ali and Crazy Michelle.
Michelle seethed, “I think of myself as very attractive and Vienna, she’s totally opposite of who I am as far as what I see on the outside.”
Michelle, an office manager from Anaheim who professed both her love for Jake and her distain for the other women, was among those invited on the group date where the bachelorettes, coached by comic Jon Lovitz, performed a stand-up routine in front of Jake and a live audience. Nothing says funny like a bi-polar stalker looking for love. And, as predicted, Michelle’s “jokes” were more like the ramblings of a mentally ill woman looking for love on a reality TV show. Michelle said something about a ball in a hole and that her boobs are like coconuts. And scene!
Other on-stage comedy included blonde jokes, knock-knock jokes, Tenley manoeuvring her feet behind her head, and Corrie, whose stand-up consisted of bashing the other girls, (though mostly Vienna). Corrie’s Vienna impression ridiculed her for “talking crap about every other girl in the house,” a quip ironically performed via a stand-up routine that talked crap about every other girl in the house.
When Michelle finally dragged Jake away for some one-on-one time, she couldn’t help but let a few of her marbles roll on the floor.
“It’s been a rough night for me, as you can see I’ve been crying,” Michelle began. She then told him, “I really really really want a husband.”
“I believe you,” Jake replied.
Then, it got really awkward. Michelle made a horrifically lame attempt to make-out. It was as if she had no sense of timing or chemistry and just decided she would force intimacy on Jake. When Jake reluctantly reciprocated with a closed-mouthed peck, she told him she wanted “something more than that.” That’s when Jake realized that being The Bachelor sucks.
”I’m almost ready for this night to be over,” he sighed. ”I just want to go home.”
Not getting it, Michelle turned her desperation levels up to 11, telling Jake she wanted to leave, unless he didn’t want her to… which Jake cut off with, ”Michelle, I think it would be better if you did leave.”
Thus, Michelle’s bluff was called and she went home via taxicab of shame.
The next crazy Jake had to ward off was Elizabeth, an ample-bosomed, overconfident nanny, who in the previous episode, had handed Jake a note telling him not to kiss her until she’s the last woman standing. She then puckered up her lips, told him how much she wanted to kiss him, but that she shouldn’t, but that she knew he wanted to, that… well, it got complicated.
At one point, Elizabeth told the cameras, ”He needs to be a man and hold true to his convictions and not try to kiss me!”
At the rose ceremony, Elizabeth the tease as well as Valishia (too boring to earn airtime), were both sent packing bringing a poignant end to their long journey to Desperationville. Next week, previews promise bachelor Jake will kiss swimsuit model Gia and everyone will hate Vienna more. Then, the whole gang will board a bus for a first-ever Bachelor road-trip. Will Ali and Vienna kill each other? Will Jake hand out all the roses? Will host Chris Harrison not state the obvious? Will Tenley announce she’s pregnant? Tune in next week for more cat fights, bikinis, breast implants, claws, devastation, tearful divorcées, irony and as always, obvious announcements via Chris Harrison. Sports Interaction has a buffet of various reality TV betting. Check them all out in the Sports Interaction online sportsbook.
Related posts:
- The Bachelor Jake Pavelka Looks for Love
- The Bachelor Scandal: Rozlyn Papa Has ‘Inappropriate Relations’
