If romance is defined as a man whispering sweet nothings into the ears of multiple women, then dim the lights, cue the soft music and tune into ABC’s most romantic show, The Bachelor. In true Bachelor fashion, ABC offers up an ensemble of problematic women who scramble from white limos yelling to the heavens about destiny, fairytales, and true love. And undoubtedly, this season’s bachelor Jake Pavelka will grope most of them before finally finding true love.
Jake is a handsome pilot from Dallas, who has successfully created a persona of what he thinks a woman wants. And he has become that guy. He is this smorgasbord of an “aww shucks” boy next-door, Tom Cruise-type guy, who proclaims he wants to put an end to the adage “nice guys finish last.” And, at the end of a very long montage of a mostly shirtless Jake, a musical score plays “On the Wings of Love,” while Jake sits atop a motorcycle wearing shades ala Top Gun and watches wistfully as a plane flies across a California sunset. Pass the cheesy poofs, please.
Jake will find true love by sifting through an assortment of bachelorettes courtesy of ABC including: an ample-bosomed nanny named Elizabeth, Gia, a swimsuit model, Alexa, who wears motorcycle gloves with her cocktail dress and Rozlyn, who claims girls have it out for her because she’s prettier than they are.
The cocktail party is your typical Bachelor fare: 25 women downing champagne and fighting for a chance to get noticed. In the midst of this horror show, one woman actually puts on a flight attendant outfit. Another woman tries to teach Jake how to two-step, while one reads Jake a list of her many qualities, including the fact that she’s a “cuddle bug.” A woman named Vienna forces Jake to touch her bruise. There is also a lovely Cambodian lady named Channy who tells him in her native language, “You can land your plane on my landing strip anytime.”
Then there’s Ella, a single mother who tells Jake how her 7-year-old son also wants to be a pilot. She then gives Jake her son’s favorite model airplane, telling Jake her son wants him to have it.
“Sweetie, can Mommy please give your favorite airplane to her reality TV boyfriend she hasn’t met yet?”
Although the desperation fest is fun to watch, eventually Jake narrows the field down from 25 to a mere 15. Most disturbing about this process is Michelle, an office manager from Anaheim who says she “deserves” Jake and that it would “kill” her not to get the first impression rose. This lady is all kinds of crazy and poor Jake is not privy to all the Fatal Attraction-type dialogue she offers the cameras, so she gets a rose.
Thus, Jake gives roses to Tenley, Ella, Elizabeth, Ali, Vienna, Christina, Gia, Ashley, Rozlyn , Jessie, Corrie, Valishia, Ashleigh, Kathryn and as mentioned previously, Captain Crazypants (Michelle). And, as the show teases, one of these very excitable young ladies will find her way into the bed of one of the show’s producers inciting serious drama. Who will go home next week? Who will win Jake’s heart? Who will boink a Bachelor producer? Stay tuned to Sports Interaction’s Bachelor recaps. Our diligent oddsmakers are starting the difficult task of handicapping the show so check in on our entertainment betting to see our Bachelor odds as they become available.
